Hi lovely, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I know all about that. But I really don’t feel comfortable telling you what to do. It’s not up to me, nor do I know you or anything about you, really. So it just wouldn’t be right. But what I can do is explain my personal belief of the situation and make suggestions, but that’s about it. I don’t want to seem as though I am pulling you away from Christianity, because those are not my intentions.
I know exactly how you feel, I really do. I left organized religion because I also felt that I was expected to be inside this box called ‘Christianity’. I wasn’t satisfied with following such a narrow path in life. I wasn’t okay with feeling guilty for doing things that I really didn’t see as wrong. Trying to live my life that way just didn’t feel right. And not to say that I don’t believe in God or even Christianity. I have met many amazing Christians who truly demonstrate the love of Christ and have amazing faith in God and are soooooo so happy living their life that way. I wanted so badly to have that, but no matter what I did, it just never came to me. And in the end I realized it wasn’t actually who I wanted to be, it was who other people wanted me to be, and I just wanted to please them. But after everything I went through last year, I decided I needed to be my own person. So I began to do some soul searching.
My suggestion to you, is to do the same. Dig into the core of your soul and figure out what it is that makes you happy. Think about all your hopes and dreams, the things you wish to accomplish in life. Think about the things you are passionate about, think about who you really are and who you aspire to be. If you truly desire to have a relationship with God and be a part of the church, then do it! God accepts you as you are, he loves you no matter what. Don’t feel like you have to be a certain way for him. But then again, if that lifestyle truly isn’t the way you feel you are meant to live your life, that’s okay too. There are so many different paths of life we can take, and not everyone is going to fit on just one path. A lot of people are going to disagree with me on this one, but just because one path works for one person, doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone. Don’t live your life to please other people. You will never be happy. This is your life, live it in a way that is fulfilling to you. Be your own person, be kind, be loving, and simply be the best version of yourself.
If you want to talk more, don’t hesitate to message me off anon!! I always reply privately:) But, I suggest you message me on my other blog because I don’t really sign onto this blog too often! So you can reach me at brighterthan-thesunn.tumblr.com
love & light my dear <3